I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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