Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
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He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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