Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
