This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My dick has a subreddit
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
