I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
