my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
