I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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