I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
