either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
