Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
