At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
