you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize