"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Church boner. Awkwardddd
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
