At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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