My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
