How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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