I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
