That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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