And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
