I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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