Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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