The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
