Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
