fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
