I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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