#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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