I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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