its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
