I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
