i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
