So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
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I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
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i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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