I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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