i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
