oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I was not drunk enough for that final.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
