You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
