i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
