you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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