I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
