Don't make out with my wife yet
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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