I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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