remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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