Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
