We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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