Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
