the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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