The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
