Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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