he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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