I can text with my tongue
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
