why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
