Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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