ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
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I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
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I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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