dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I cut my penus on the lid.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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