his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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