Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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