...so i touched it.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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