My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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