i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My bed smells like the plague