Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...