Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize