I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I spit up blood this morning
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She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
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Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center