I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.